Seeking Him

Out of Control Rantings

2008-06-08T05:00:00.000-07:00

Well here it is Sunday morning, just arose to find it rained yet another time. It seems all it does lately is rains will it it ever let up. The Big blue is out of it banks and flooding the parks and all low laying areas. And this coming week there is predicted more rain. Is there no end.
I find my self wondering if God thinks this every time I moan and groan about all the petty things that I complain about on a daily basis. Or when things don't go the way I think they should go. Or when some jerk pulls out in front of me when I'm driving. And believe me I've had my share lately.
Is there no end to the amount of suffering I put God through because of my selfishness. Because you know I think it's all about me. Not really but that's the impression I portray when the little things anger me for no reason. Because I allow Satan a huge foothold, and the opportunity for a mere touch of control. The next thing I know my whole life is totally at his mercy, which isn't God's mercy tempered with Love, but tempered with greed and lust and the need for control. Wow! how many times do I keep letting Satan take over, too many cause my quite times are lax, I rush around and tell God later you and I will talk. What do I think this is call waiting. I never get around to getting back online with him. All he asks is that I come and talk with him.
Why then is this so hard. When I'm driving I can spend the whole time talking to God telling him all my desires, and praying for people who need prayer and uplifted. But sitting and opening the word, now that's a whole different story. It's like getting your teeth pulled. I really want to read the word. But you wouldn't believe how many excuses I can come up with. Some you've probably never heard of. But none are good enough. There is no reason not to read the words God so graciously gave me as a guideline to live for him. This my heart knows, but my minds a different story. Sometimes I wonder if the brain is even properly attached to the rest of the body. Good news there is one there it's just hibernating at the wrong times, which means it needs a wake up call.
Those kind of wake up calls usually have to be really big ones, like a kick in the seat of the pants. That way it gets our attention. Did you ever notice that then we run to the God saying sorry God, please help me. Lucky for us he doesn't say well you didn't pay any attention to me so sorry you have to do this on your own. His mercy is beyond comprehension. His compassion is unfailing. Even when we turn from him he never leaves us. He there waiting to take our hand and lead us with love , mercy and compassion. Why does it take a wake call to shock us into reality? I can't answer that one! All I know is everyday with the way the world is going should be a Wake up call to me. If I don't start my day with God, the day is lost, everything just doesn't fit , or work out the way it would if God walked with me all the way. Thanks for listening to the rantings of a terribly rambling on woman. Ya all have a great day filled with the greatest gifts God has in store for you.

What Would Jesus Say to me!!

2007-11-30T14:12:00.000-08:00

My child why do you live in fear? Or doubt what I can do? Have I not brought you through the depths of despair. Guarding you when you weren't a believer. I know what it's like to be sad, lonely, not knowing where to turn. Look to me, I'm faithful and just. You are always on my mind. My love for you never falters.
Why than do you fear? You are fearfully and wonderfully made. When you cry, I feel your pain. I know that you are so hard on yourself. Why? You will not do everything perfect, don't expect perfection. I, just want your willing heart, to serve me the best way you know how. I will help you through all things.
Have your eyes not seen the many wonders I've created. The majestic sky, the lowly seas. These should put your mind at ease. If I can do this, what makes you think I can't through the tough times? I know you yearn to know more about me. Feed your hunger, by reading my word. Your quiet times are lacking, you spend many hours on your computer, Am I not worthy of such time spent with me. You will see the difference if each day starts and ends with me. Seek me! Knock and it will be opened.
You have so many gifts I gave to you. Don't be afraid to use them. At times you will fail, but with my help you will prevail. I see your longing heart, that you don't want to hurt or be hurt. My child there will always be hurt in your life on earth. But with my help, you will feel it less. Don't fuel your anger, it's unbecoming. It makes my heart hurt to see you struggle with your short comings. Be faithful, trying to do what it that I ask of you. Continue to grow as you are now. I will lead your life, make it what I want it to be. I have wonderful things in store for you, just obey my call. Never be afraid to ask for things, the ones you need I will provide for you. You are never far from my thoughts. What you don't need I will not supply.
I know you feel like your prayers are lacking. I know what you need just ask. So many times I see your loneliness. And the pain or fear of rejection. I will never leave you!! Now my child have I laid all your fears and doubts, pain to rest. By the way you are forgiven, just because you asked, forgive yourself. I LOVE YOU!!!!!

All Stressed ,Fearful, Worried Why?

2007-11-10T14:27:00.000-08:00

Me stressed out, banish the thought. Ha, if you know me at all you, I'm like a picture of the cat which has just received an electric shock. Hair standing up with my eyes popping out, back arched. Get the pretty scary picture. The problem is I often don't think I'm stressed. Until my faithful flesh woman rears her ugly persona. If you've never met her, be very thankful. She's
my evil twin.
When stressed I seem to be the last to really notice, that is until I open my mouth inserting my size 7 shoe into it. I so lovingly call it ( fillet of sole). Get it shoe sole!! Sorry my sense of humor sometimes is a little off center. But it helps to have a sense of humor when stressed to the limit. But why do I continually let this happen, is the question you're asking! Haven't got a clue? Well I do. There is this thing called pride. God's been trying to teach me to let him have complete control. CONTROL yes it's a hard word, and even harder to relinquish it to someone else. After all who knows me better than me? My worst enemy is myself at times, or should I say at least 75% of the time.
In Bible study we're learning to not self talk. Me myself and I have had many meaningful , sometimes degrading talks. How can I do this? I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Where is my mind, is there nowhere to go? Great news I'm learning that in any and all situations God is waiting for me to invite Him to lead me. So there is always someplace to go, I just have to be willing to be lead instead of doing it my way.
One of these days I might just surprise myself. By getting it down to a science but for now I'll continue to learn. At a snails pace. I'm a progress in work. And I do mean WORK!!! But I will never give up, Because of God's grace and mercy. I have a chance to be all I can be through Him who strengthens me.
Fear is a weakness that often plagues me. Out of nowhere it strikes. My fears are unfounded at times, a product of an overactive imagination. Taking what someone says wrong, how they look at me, or what they don't say. Then the mind goes into overdrive. Okay what was that look for? Do I have food in my teeth? I know some of my questions aren't the most profound but? Do I really appear as stupid as I sound?I hope I'm not hate only one who has a frantic mind, that tries to second guess everything. I know I'm unique, I just don't want to be strange. All I want to be is normal. Okay what is the definition of normal? I saw a movie once that talked about a brain with a sign below it that said (abby-normal). I totally know what they are talking about. If my life is normal please someone give me abnormal I need a break.
No seriously I have so many wonderful people in my life who are always willing to gently nudge me, guide me along the narrow path. Giving me scriptural verses to help me. If I trust God my fears will be relieved.Trust is an issue with me. Trust wasn't a thing I had a-lot of growing up. Fears I knew all to well. a fear of being alone, of not saying the right words when I pray. That God will find the words silly. He never finds anything silly if I just talk to him like I'm talking to you. This mind has a hard time grasping this concept. With each passing day it becomes clearer.
The other morning I was unable to sleep. So I got up it was around 6:30 or little later. The sun was just starting to come over the horizon. It was so breathtaking. The clouds were arrayed in colors of purple, orange,red, with a hint of pink. Set against the skyline was the small cemetery down the street. Something stirred inside as stood on my front porch. There was no fear, panic or worry. Peace, quietness, awe, mostly wonder. If God could with just the touch of his hand or his words make this come to past. Then why do you have doubts, fears, worries. Can I God not take care of all these. Breathe freshness into you like the breeze you feel upon your face. Have I not lead you to where you are now? There is no fear if you come to me and ask me to help. JUST ASK! Wow a feather could have knocked me over. How many of my friends have been telling me this? I've asked and asked for God's help, but took it upon myself to finish his work. Now is the time for me to wait upon God and wait, listen. He will help if I give him time.

How Can It Be!!!

2007-08-27T15:13:00.000-07:00

How Can It be that at times I'm so happy with everything in my life than all of a sudden. POW there is so much that has gone wrong. Just when I think I have my friendships back on track with one of my friends. It's two steps backwards, and walking on eggshells. I never know what kind of mood she'll be in from one moment to the next. It must be something that I'm failing to do as a friend! She knows that I'd do anything for her.
When I ask her to do something with me, she always say's she's so busy. Or if I ask to talk to her she'll say, Don't have time. I have ten thousand things I have to get done today. As I walk out of her office someone comes in and she'll sit and talk to them smiling. I know I'm allowing this hurt to creep in. And she probably doesn't knowing she's doing it. She'll call when she needs something, other than that I never hear from her. But I left myself wide open for that when I said I'll always be there for you, just call. Pretty stupid HUH!
My dad always said to be the kind of friend that you would like to have. Well I would like someone to be there for me who was caring. Who I could rely upon, and talk to . And that I should treat them the way , I would want to be treated. But he didn't say anything about being a doormat.
Why is it that I feel so small when she talks to me? Why do I allow her to take away my joy? Am I afraid I'll lose her friendship? Is this really a friendship, or just convienence for her? There is anger in my heart, at me for allowing her to get to me. And because I keep letting her continue to hurt me. This now becomes my problem to deal with.
As a christian there is a part of me that wants to be there for her. To comfort her, to be there to support her. She is going through some difficult times. Who Am I to judge what she's done. Which is what I've done lately. God loved me through all the terrible things in my life. And believe me there has been plenty. Some I hope no-one but God ever knows. At times the jealousy monster gets me. When I see her spending times with others, after she tells me she is so busy. I just like to spend some time with her cause I enjoy her company. Now that I put it in print it sounds like I'm being a big baby. Shouldn't expect to be treated with respect and kindness. WOW what a pity party. I've allowed her to consume every ounce of my energy. And all my thoughts trying to figure out what I've done to hurt her. Kinda stupid huh.
Well needless to say I still don't know how to act in this friendship. But I pray daily that Jesus will help me to love her with his love. To see her through his eyes and to love her as he loves her, and to forgive her, as he has forgiven me on so many occassions. After all if you haven't walked a mile in the other persons shoes who are you to say if you would do it any differently. All to many times I let my feelings guide what my heart feels and my mind thinks. When I should go to Jesus and ask him to help me feel what he wants me to feel. And what it is that he is trying to teach me through this relationship. And how I should react, and in his timing he'll heal this relationship, or he'll heal me and help me to move past this particular point in time. Either way it won't be easy cause sometimes I can be so impatient. Imagine that!!!! Well it's time to let it go. So just whenever you think of it offer up a prayer for me, and on my behalf that I'll listen to what Jesus has to say. And obey it even if I don't want to. Praise God that he loves me through my stupidity. Or should I say in spite of it. Amen!!!!!!

I've Got the Blues

2007-05-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

It's been one of those weeks when I just feel like crying for no reason. Can't quite put my finger on the point of my dispair. I do the usual things, talk to myself. You know, what's wrong with you? Everything is going well. You have wonderful friends. God has provided for you always. So whats up with ya? Get over yourself already. Why the pity party. No more poor me. But still the tears flow down without stopping. Oh I put on a brave front in front of others, saying everything is fine. Cause I really don't know the source of my emotional turmoil. Must be good ole hormones. For lack of any other excuse.
I can't sleep so I sit at the computer and read my devotionals. Or read from the Bible. Sometimes the book Sue gave me. Streams in the Desert, it's really an awesome book. There have been many sleepless nights. Okay God what is it that needs my attention, or what have I missed, who did I hurt? Stillness is all around me. Where do I go from here? There is something that isn't quite right within me. The search is an endless one at this time. My wheels are spinning faster and faster, but not going anywhere,but deeper. I know God will rescue me in his time. Maybe my tearducts just need cleaning out? Or my eyes are to dry. I got it , my allergies are out of whack!
Depression is not from God so why do I have this terrible feeling all the time? Hope ya all realize I'm still talking to myself, trying to relieve some of my anxiety. This is a release for me. Not a complaint session. I'm hoping this will help shine a light on the problem. Which is me, not my relationship with God , he's been there and always will be. He weeps with me and feels my pain. I feel his presence every second of every day. I'd of never made it this far without his strength.
Mainly I just needed someone to talk to. And I know Tami you're the only one who reads this. And you're good about lifting others up. And I just needed you to snap me out of my slump. Cause I value your friendship and advice. You're the most honest person I know and love as a friend.
Now I'm done feeling sorry for my self . I'll buck up now like one of your clan. I'm strong through Jesus who strenghtens me. And he'll show me the way.

Serving Others

2007-05-15T20:58:00.000-07:00

I was reading my daily devotional from Purpose Driven Life, and it was about serving others. Which has been in my thoughts and heavily on my mind lately. I lack the true ability at times to fulfill what I thought was my purpose as a friend. To serve others, and sorely lacked at the task of truly serving the Godly way. So this devotional helped me to put things into perspective.
So here goes. See if any of this makes sense! It said the power of God enables your service(Eph. 3:20) tells us that God's "mighty power at work within us...is able to accomplish infinitly more than we would ever dare to ask or hope." Don't ever allow your vision of what is possible in serving others to be limited by what you see as your own strength and resourses. Wow I've been doing that this whole the time. Not allowing God to take the lead.
Another thing is to serve not be served. Sometimed I just want to be served, after all I deserve this right? Wrong how dare I think I deserve this, when I haven't earned this honor. God served everyone no one ever served him. The writing said Serve, not served (Mark 10:45) Jesus came as a servant (Phil.2:5-7) telling his disciples "I Am among you as one who serves." (Luke 22:27) Take a look at three or four of your closet relationships and ask "How can I serve this person?" Than list specific ways you can serve them as Christ would. Man what a challenge! Am I up to this task and which four friends do I choose? Right about now my first instinct is to hide my head in the sand and not come up for along time. Will I measure up to the task at hand? It's pretty bad when you talk to yourself. Self needs to step up to the plate , take the challenge.
The mind of Christ guides your service Mari. In (Phil.4:8) Paul gives us a grid to filter out anything that is not consistent with the mind of Christ. If an image is not true, honorable, right, pure,lovely or of good report, if a thought is not excellent and praiseworthy, it is to be filtered out by the mind of Christ. So as not to find a landing place in us.
Now that I have a guideline this should be easy! So why is it a struggle day after day? Daily there is a short falling on my part. Continually the struggle is there to get it right. My service lacks at times.So daily in my prayers I lift my short comings to the Lord. Literally laying them at his feet. With each passing day it's becoming easier to accomplish. One baby step at a time is slow, but better than no step at all. Continually the Savior lifts up this humble heart, reassures me. He carries me through strenghting me, helping me to endure, to win the hard fought battle of serving with the right motives. This grateful servant clings to his promises daily. Knowing that through it all I'll be guided by the true servant of all.

Faith Is Truly A Leap

2007-04-18T16:22:00.000-07:00

I find this to be true every minute of each day. Don't you? I awake in the morning walk into the bathroom to wash my face, turn on the faucet, water comes out. I know no big deal but we have faith it will be there. Such a small thing for God. We seldom think about it until the water doesn't work. Boy what a bummer. We flip a switch and the light appears. We go to our cars but the key in the ignition, and the engine starts. We get quite upset when it doesn't. But all these little things are small leaps of faith that we never think about. We just take for granted that it will be here when needed.
Then why is it so hard to take a small leap of faith to pray for things we know may not come true? Or to pray for our own small personal needs? Is our God so big that he won't hear us ? Or are we ashamed to ask, or in my case ,I'm sure I don't deserve what God can give me, or afraid he won't give me what I ask. Do I know what God is thinking. Of course not . But fear often guides the way I ask or lack of asking for what God can or won't do for me. I guess I don't want to know what his will is for me. But than again I really do. So you ask why not take a true leap of faith. I've been asking myself the same question lately.
I'm taking one step at a time I'm learning to pray the way Jesus did. To ask even though I know the answer is no. And thanking him for that answer. If I can't be thankful for a no. Will I be thankful and happy with a yes? My heart and mind have to in the right place, with God in accordance with his word. So my motives have to be right. At times my m otives are purely selfish. Not at all what Jesus was like when he prayed for the cup to be passed. But if not the fathers will be done. That's tne truest leap of faith for the purest reason that we'll ever see. So you see for me Faith without knowing where I'll go or end up on the journey God has planned for me is truly a leap of Faith.

Past Due Notice

2007-03-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

Boy am I glad that God doesn't send out these kind of notices. Or your account is past due. I paid the price for your sins and your not doing your part. So I'm charging you interest. I'd be so far in debt, I'd never see daylight. We tend to get upset when someone owes us something,or borrows something, forgetting to return it. How could that person do that to me I'm supossed to be their friend?After all look what I've done for them. And to treat me like this.
Do we have the corner on the market of being rejected, hurt, or being used. Jesus was rejected, mocked, scorned, persecuted. But yet he paid the ultimate price for us. So how do I repay his awesome gift to me. With insecurties and doubt. Even after faithfully reading his word. My intentions are certainly good. But not in accordance with his will for me or his plan for me.
After attending a fantastic Bible Study group, I'm coming to grips with the thought. I will make mistakes, but in dealing with them and the choices I make concerning them, will either draw me closer to God, or push me farther away. It's my choice! God allows me to choose. So what do I choose? Sometimes my choices are from my head in the heat of the moment, not a good idea. Others are made after I've cried out to God for his help. Then a calmness seems to come over me, my soul is no longer in turmoil. I wander if that's how Jesus felt when he "Said it is finished".He intervenes for me to give me the answer he knows is right. And it isn't always the one I would choose. But it is the best. I praise God he doesn't let me have my way . The message he gave the day he died was your debt is "PAID IN FULL". So we will never get a past due notice, even though at times I need a past due notice to get me thinking how I fall short of God's ultimate plan for me. According to my calculations my account is delinquint, but God in his love has given me an extention to help me reach his goal for to do his work here on earth to fulfill his purpose. I just have to allow him to work in me and through me. Thank you for listening to me. This may not make any sense. But it helped me to put it on the page. If it helps someone I praise God for it.

Why Do I Still Have Doubts?

2007-03-14T16:44:00.000-07:00

Our Bible Study is fantastic, and our leaders are terrific. We've been studying topics about God. Like the books title God where are you? How many times in my life have I asked him that. As if he hasn't been there the whole time. I just didn't seek him. One of the chapters was asking what to do with my questions. What if I go so far as to doubt God? I was brought up that you don't question God. But as we read through the Bible verses there were people that Jesus loved greatly who questioned things God had allowed to happen to draw them closer to him. After reading these verses God wants us to come to him with our questions, thoughts, desires.
Then there this thing of who can I go to for the truth. Guess I never really thought about it. I have a trust issue. From past experience there haven't been many people who have been truthful with me. It never crossed my mind that the truth was right before me in black and white between the cover of Gods Word. He's never let me down. Even though I often accused him of abandoning me. It was me who had left him. But it was easier to blame him for my failings. Every word that is written in his book is true. There is no errors in it. So why in my despair do I so often turn from him, instead of getting on my knees and crying out to him for his strength and courage.
All to often I question whether God loves me. Where does this feeling come from? Satan knows my weaknesses and he uses them against me. How could God love someone who never gets it right. Who is always wanting someone else to blame. I stand in awe that he loves even though I turn from so many times, and welcomes me back with open loving arms as though I never was gone. This kind of love I've never know. At times it's hard to except this kind of Love since I really deserve it.
He cares for me so deeply. He hurts when I hurt. He feels my pain, and takes it as his own. He holds me closer than I'll ever know. He carries me when I feel all is lost. And the burden is to heavy, he lifts it so I can bear the load.
Why do I still ask him why these bad things happen to me or others. It just doesn't seem fair. But from the study I've learned that for God to fulfill his plan for us these things have to happen. Not to hurt us but to strenghten us. These times are not pleasent. But they help us to relate to other who may at sometime go through thre same thing. We can come along side and help them as God has helped us.
Well now that I've babbled on and on. I think maybe I should give ya all a break. I thank God for my Bible Study group who are teaching me new things every week and strengthening with their love for the Lord. You don't realize how much you all mean to me.

Somewhere over the Rainbow.

2007-01-23T18:48:00.000-08:00

Catchy isn't it? Wonder where I ever came up with an idea like that for a title? Couldn't be because I watched the TV to much. Naw banish that thought. I haven't the slightest idea what I'm going to say now. Better think fast of something really good. Let's see where to begin. I'd really like to soar far over the rainbow to where Jesus is waiting for me. In time this will happen. For now the rainbow is something so beautiful, breathtaking. Just knowing God created the rainbow, and it's array of colors. How did he think of so many wonderful things for our eyes to behold? How can I question that he loves me, or why he'd love me? He's done a multitude of wonderous things throughout the Bible. Miraculous, awe inspiring, things that no-one else can do, or has done. But yet I still question my very exsistance. Wondering what it is that He has in store for me, or for what purpose I'm here.
I struggle daily with the idea of trying to relate to others about God! How do I start? I don't want to let him down. What if I say the wrong thing? Can't I just do it by showing them my good side? Alot of questions huh. By the way what is my good side?
When I look into the sky after the rain and see the rainbow, I'm mystified by the beauty. It's nice to know that the earth will never be destroyed by flood again. At least I think that's what the rainbow stands for. But don't quote me on that. Especially since I'm kinda afraid of the water. Who I'm I kidding I'm down right terrified of water. Since I swim like a rock, I'll stick to dry land. Thank-you very much. At the end of the rainbow the irish think there's a pot of Gold. I'd prefer to say at the end of the rainbow is where God can be found. It's not to say he can't be found other places. Because he's in everything. But there at the end of the rainbow you know all things are possible through God and with God. He took time to give people a sign, of his total love for us through his creation. Who else would know what colors to use for this thing of beauty. Not I! Good thing God's in control. Who knows what colors I'd picked. Colors let's see! Pink and purple, orange, yellow, and let's not forget blue. Doesn't that just conger up a beautiful rainbow. Pretty awesome right? Well it's colorful , just like all of us. None of us are the same, react the same ,think the same. Thank goodness cause one of me running around is enough. Each rainbow is different never the same. The colors remain the same, and the direction it archs. But the scenery behind and around it are ever changing. Hey just had a thought! Amazing isn't it I had a thought. That's a first.Just like our walk with Jesus is ever changing and being refined. He shapes us into what he wants us to be. Despite what we think is better and try to help him along.
So than why Am I trying so hard to not have to share my faith? It's because I'm not letting Jesus control me. I still have a control issue. I know give it up already, I'll never be able to do anything unless I let him lead my life in the little things. Than the bigger ones will fall into place. Sounds easy huh! But I'll probably question my abilities he given me along the way. And make lots of mistakes, but that's okay I'm a work in progress. Thank goodness he isn't done with me yet. And that he is so patient with, even in my moments of despair and hopelessness.
So somewhere over the rainbow birds do fly. Because their father loves them, protects them. And joy abounds forever. Well I'm now done rambling. If any of this makes any sense it'll be a miracle. God Bless You ALL. May your rainbows shine bright for all to see. You'll know mine by it's colors. HA! HA!

Just Pondering

2007-01-08T08:41:00.000-08:00

A feeling of deep despair comes over me everytime, I do the same thing over and over. Lately I've found myself so full of anger. Saying words that I had prayed so hard not to say. And the Lord had helped me. Now everytime I'm bumped what's in my heart slops out. It's so awful, and ungodly. I'm letting him down. He's been there for me always. Now when things are rough and tough. I show anger mostly at myself. And a terrrible array of nasty words. I know some of this comes from being around people who are constantly using these words. This is no excuse. How could I who say I love my God say these things. What's wrong with me? Praying eases the guilt. The answers are slow in coming. So than I think God has let me down. Wrong again! I let him down. So I'm pondering why , it's so hard just to get it straight, and rely on him. Cause I want things in my time not his. This is hard to tell and put on paper. To let everyone know, that I have problems. But it's not about me, but him. And I so want to please my God. And be a shining light so others want to know what's different about me. This won't happen until the Lord helps me , so I'll continue to pray,wait for his help. Not many read these but it helps me to put it down in writing. Praise God for his Love.And all knowing ways.

Well Can't Believe It's 2007

2007-01-06T10:26:00.000-08:00

Well here it is 2007 . And I've accomplished nothing. Good thing I made no new years resolutions. That way their will be no way I will fail. HA!HA! I praise theLord for being so faithful to me in 2006. Although I fell way short of what was expected of me by me. You know I'm my own worst critic. So I never really quite measure up. But God knows my limits and gently nudges me to go ahead and try. Sometime I don't want to try. But as my very wonderful friend Tami always says" it's not about you!" At times the green eyed monster of feeling sorry for myself gets the better of me. If it wasn't for the Bible Study group and all the good discussions it would be a lost cause, for my soul.
This past year has been full of learning experiences. That God loves me no matter what size I am. And if He loves, then why don't I love me? After all God made us in his likeness, so if I don't like me, Am I telling God I don't like him. Also learned it's not about me, it's about him. A very hard lesson to learn. Cause there are times I'd like to be the center of it all. It's amazing how the Lord has brought so many wonder people into my life. And brings me closer day by day. Thanks be to his wonderful love. 2007 will be an awesome year to learn more about my GOD.

Faith How much Do I Need?

2006-11-07T13:02:00.000-08:00

Never really thought before about my faith. It was just something that seemed to be there. No one ever really questioned my faith. Or asked me what the word faith meant to me. Until today during Bible study. Our faithful leaders in our study group always give us much to think about.
Like how much faith is enough? It's a good question. Mt 17:20 says if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain move,"Move from here to there and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." A mustard seed huh! Pretty small indeed. I know at times I lack the strenght or conviction To even tell myself to read my Bible. How could I have the conviction to tell others about my faith in someone I've never seen. I know him only through what I"ve read in this wonderful book the Bible. A story of how God loved us so much he sent his only son. Here to bear our sins, which he never committed. So we might have a life with him in glory. My small mind has a hard time grasping a love so infinite. That his son would give through his faith his life for me. When I knew him not. And there are times I act as though I still don't know him. Maybe I should rephrase that my actions. Certainly don't show I'm a child of the father. So my faith I must nuture through reading his word and praying for his help.

2006-10-28T20:49:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a beautiful day out. Spent some time in God beautiful nature. It is so awesome to see the magnificence of his handiwork. As far as the eye can see, is the vastness of all he has created.
Spent time with my friend doing some outdoor work. I do enjoy her company. She is an inspiration to me. She has been through so much in her life, but the love of the Lord shines so brightly through her. Maybe her light will rub off on me . I can only hope. But I know that being around her and my other friends. Helps me so much. But my insecurities, are always getting the best of me. The devil still has his claws in me. But through prayer, and studying God's word I become stronger everyday. The book we've been studying in Bible study has really made me stop and think about how selfish of a person I am. Never really thought I was. But there are so many different ways of being selfish. Some I never thought of. Then there is the green eyed monster that lives inside me. The one I thought I had under control. Don't really want the material things that others have. I find myself wanting to be well versed in the Bible. Like the ladies that I so admire in my Bible study group. I know that comes with studying God's word. So I must learn to be content with where God has me at this particular time. I am thankful that he doesn't always give me what I want, or think I need. Thankful he gives me the things he knows I should have to work for his good to glorify him. Guess I've been windy enough. God Bless.

Seeking - Him

2006-10-27T14:59:00.000-07:00

I'm a christian who is sure of my salvation. How to figure out what my gifts are, now that's another story. Once they are known how to use them to the best of my ability. Then thers's that little problem of being afraid. What if I don't do it right? Don't know a whole lot about the Bible. But continue to learn. Attend a wonderful womens bible study group. Through which I've grown. You know two steps forward, ten back. the devil never seems to relinquish his control over me. Praying helps, but continuously falling back upon my old ways. Relying on the Lord is my main focus but at times it's so hazy. When will my lesson of leaning on him be an atomatic response? I know I'm a work in progress, but this is going to be a looong one.