Why Do I Still Have Doubts?

Our Bible Study is fantastic, and our leaders are terrific. We've been studying topics about God. Like the books title God where are you? How many times in my life have I asked him that. As if he hasn't been there the whole time. I just didn't seek him. One of the chapters was asking what to do with my questions. What if I go so far as to doubt God? I was brought up that you don't question God. But as we read through the Bible verses there were people that Jesus loved greatly who questioned things God had allowed to happen to draw them closer to him. After reading these verses God wants us to come to him with our questions, thoughts, desires.
Then there this thing of who can I go to for the truth. Guess I never really thought about it. I have a trust issue. From past experience there haven't been many people who have been truthful with me. It never crossed my mind that the truth was right before me in black and white between the cover of Gods Word. He's never let me down. Even though I often accused him of abandoning me. It was me who had left him. But it was easier to blame him for my failings. Every word that is written in his book is true. There is no errors in it. So why in my despair do I so often turn from him, instead of getting on my knees and crying out to him for his strength and courage.
All to often I question whether God loves me. Where does this feeling come from? Satan knows my weaknesses and he uses them against me. How could God love someone who never gets it right. Who is always wanting someone else to blame. I stand in awe that he loves even though I turn from so many times, and welcomes me back with open loving arms as though I never was gone. This kind of love I've never know. At times it's hard to except this kind of Love since I really deserve it.
He cares for me so deeply. He hurts when I hurt. He feels my pain, and takes it as his own. He holds me closer than I'll ever know. He carries me when I feel all is lost. And the burden is to heavy, he lifts it so I can bear the load.
Why do I still ask him why these bad things happen to me or others. It just doesn't seem fair. But from the study I've learned that for God to fulfill his plan for us these things have to happen. Not to hurt us but to strenghten us. These times are not pleasent. But they help us to relate to other who may at sometime go through thre same thing. We can come along side and help them as God has helped us.
Well now that I've babbled on and on. I think maybe I should give ya all a break. I thank God for my Bible Study group who are teaching me new things every week and strengthening with their love for the Lord. You don't realize how much you all mean to me.