I've Got the Blues

It's been one of those weeks when I just feel like crying for no reason. Can't quite put my finger on the point of my dispair. I do the usual things, talk to myself. You know, what's wrong with you? Everything is going well. You have wonderful friends. God has provided for you always. So whats up with ya? Get over yourself already. Why the pity party. No more poor me. But still the tears flow down without stopping. Oh I put on a brave front in front of others, saying everything is fine. Cause I really don't know the source of my emotional turmoil. Must be good ole hormones. For lack of any other excuse.
I can't sleep so I sit at the computer and read my devotionals. Or read from the Bible. Sometimes the book Sue gave me. Streams in the Desert, it's really an awesome book. There have been many sleepless nights. Okay God what is it that needs my attention, or what have I missed, who did I hurt? Stillness is all around me. Where do I go from here? There is something that isn't quite right within me. The search is an endless one at this time. My wheels are spinning faster and faster, but not going anywhere,but deeper. I know God will rescue me in his time. Maybe my tearducts just need cleaning out? Or my eyes are to dry. I got it , my allergies are out of whack!
Depression is not from God so why do I have this terrible feeling all the time? Hope ya all realize I'm still talking to myself, trying to relieve some of my anxiety. This is a release for me. Not a complaint session. I'm hoping this will help shine a light on the problem. Which is me, not my relationship with God , he's been there and always will be. He weeps with me and feels my pain. I feel his presence every second of every day. I'd of never made it this far without his strength.
Mainly I just needed someone to talk to. And I know Tami you're the only one who reads this. And you're good about lifting others up. And I just needed you to snap me out of my slump. Cause I value your friendship and advice. You're the most honest person I know and love as a friend.
Now I'm done feeling sorry for my self . I'll buck up now like one of your clan. I'm strong through Jesus who strenghtens me. And he'll show me the way.

Serving Others

I was reading my daily devotional from Purpose Driven Life, and it was about serving others. Which has been in my thoughts and heavily on my mind lately. I lack the true ability at times to fulfill what I thought was my purpose as a friend. To serve others, and sorely lacked at the task of truly serving the Godly way. So this devotional helped me to put things into perspective.
So here goes. See if any of this makes sense! It said the power of God enables your service(Eph. 3:20) tells us that God's "mighty power at work within us...is able to accomplish infinitly more than we would ever dare to ask or hope." Don't ever allow your vision of what is possible in serving others to be limited by what you see as your own strength and resourses. Wow I've been doing that this whole the time. Not allowing God to take the lead.
Another thing is to serve not be served. Sometimed I just want to be served, after all I deserve this right? Wrong how dare I think I deserve this, when I haven't earned this honor. God served everyone no one ever served him. The writing said Serve, not served (Mark 10:45) Jesus came as a servant (Phil.2:5-7) telling his disciples "I Am among you as one who serves." (Luke 22:27) Take a look at three or four of your closet relationships and ask "How can I serve this person?" Than list specific ways you can serve them as Christ would. Man what a challenge! Am I up to this task and which four friends do I choose? Right about now my first instinct is to hide my head in the sand and not come up for along time. Will I measure up to the task at hand? It's pretty bad when you talk to yourself. Self needs to step up to the plate , take the challenge.
The mind of Christ guides your service Mari. In (Phil.4:8) Paul gives us a grid to filter out anything that is not consistent with the mind of Christ. If an image is not true, honorable, right, pure,lovely or of good report, if a thought is not excellent and praiseworthy, it is to be filtered out by the mind of Christ. So as not to find a landing place in us.
Now that I have a guideline this should be easy! So why is it a struggle day after day? Daily there is a short falling on my part. Continually the struggle is there to get it right. My service lacks at times.So daily in my prayers I lift my short comings to the Lord. Literally laying them at his feet. With each passing day it's becoming easier to accomplish. One baby step at a time is slow, but better than no step at all. Continually the Savior lifts up this humble heart, reassures me. He carries me through strenghting me, helping me to endure, to win the hard fought battle of serving with the right motives. This grateful servant clings to his promises daily. Knowing that through it all I'll be guided by the true servant of all.