I've Got the Blues
It's been one of those weeks when I just feel like crying for no reason. Can't quite put my finger on the point of my dispair. I do the usual things, talk to myself. You know, what's wrong with you? Everything is going well. You have wonderful friends. God has provided for you always. So whats up with ya? Get over yourself already. Why the pity party. No more poor me. But still the tears flow down without stopping. Oh I put on a brave front in front of others, saying everything is fine. Cause I really don't know the source of my emotional turmoil. Must be good ole hormones. For lack of any other excuse.
I can't sleep so I sit at the computer and read my devotionals. Or read from the Bible. Sometimes the book Sue gave me. Streams in the Desert, it's really an awesome book. There have been many sleepless nights. Okay God what is it that needs my attention, or what have I missed, who did I hurt? Stillness is all around me. Where do I go from here? There is something that isn't quite right within me. The search is an endless one at this time. My wheels are spinning faster and faster, but not going anywhere,but deeper. I know God will rescue me in his time. Maybe my tearducts just need cleaning out? Or my eyes are to dry. I got it , my allergies are out of whack!
Depression is not from God so why do I have this terrible feeling all the time? Hope ya all realize I'm still talking to myself, trying to relieve some of my anxiety. This is a release for me. Not a complaint session. I'm hoping this will help shine a light on the problem. Which is me, not my relationship with God , he's been there and always will be. He weeps with me and feels my pain. I feel his presence every second of every day. I'd of never made it this far without his strength.
Mainly I just needed someone to talk to. And I know Tami you're the only one who reads this. And you're good about lifting others up. And I just needed you to snap me out of my slump. Cause I value your friendship and advice. You're the most honest person I know and love as a friend.
Now I'm done feeling sorry for my self . I'll buck up now like one of your clan. I'm strong through Jesus who strenghtens me. And he'll show me the way.
posted by forgiven @ 6:07 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Hello!!! This is me reading your blog!!! Sorry I was such a downer today, but lots going on. Some physical, and some emotional. It's not that I don't care though. You always have a lot of good things to say, and write. So take note that I was here.
P.S.
I've been here before, just haven't left a comment lately.
Oh Mari, the clock just struck midnight and if I wasn't worried about waking you up, I'd call you. Part of me is tempted to drive on over and see if your light is on, but I don't want to scare the bejeebers out of you either!
I know that teary feeling you're referring to. I had a hard time getting through church myself today. I don't know why we get so down sometimes. I know it can be scary too when you can't find any reason to be feeling that way, but one thing I have learned is to ride it out (I'm not always terribly graceful about it, mind you.). Tomorrow is a new day. Keep doing the next thing and soon this day will be over.
Can you identify anything that triggers these emotions in you? For me a HUGE one is lack of sleep. Are you getting enough rest? Another is hormones (I've been asking God what He was thinking in creating those, but so far no response!). Another is physical exhaustion--when I push myself too hard in some project I pay for it later physically AND emotionally.
You've had some tough stuff this year, Mari--your neighbors, your surgery, helping your friend, losing a lot of weight. . .all these take a toll on you. It would be no surprise if your body and mind said, "Hang on here a minute! Give me a break!" Be kind to yourself and take it easy for a day or so. Take a nap. Read a book. Give yourself permission to relax. It may help.
I wish I had an easy way to snap you out of this, Mari, but honestly I've been having a tough time figuring it out myself this year. All I know is in the bad days you have to hang on and push through. Sometimes it really helps me to focus on somebody else and push aside the bad feelings. Other days that seems too hard to do. I don't think there's anything wrong with crying your little eyes out. It's a good release.
Of course, you know I've got to send you to scripture. When nothing seems right, I have to dwell on what is TRUE, not the bad feelings that lie to me. Find some verses and work on memorizing them or if that is too hard, just write them in your journal over and over and over. Remember God's word always leaves a return.
Just know that you are not alone, Mari. Other people feel this way sometimes too. And you have felt this way and come out of it too. You are doing the right thing by recognizing His presence. Let yourself rest in that. Remember this morning's song, "Cry to Jesus. Cry to Jesus. Cry to Jesus and live."
I'm rooting for you, Mari. I'm praying for you. I know you will get through this. Remember, tomorrow is a new day.
Love you.
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